Ten things to do (instead of reading my blog)

Lists are a pretty big hit on the internet these days.  So big, in fact, that the NY Times recapped last year’s top ten best top ten lists.  So I figured I’d try my hand at one.  Here are ten wholesome activities that are likely more rewarding than reading this blog:

  1. Spend time with loved ones.
  2. Iron tomorrow’s wardrobe.
  3. Pay attention to your pets.
  4. File losses on your late tax return.
  5. Hide your unlicensed handgun in a safe place, far concealed from where the authorities will find it.
  6. Finally break the news to your long-time fiance that you’re gay.
  7. Inform your neighbors that those loud, banging noises coming from your apartment last night was merely you masturbating.
  8. Warn your children that you can punch really, really hard.
  9. Use the internet to track down someone whose facial features closely resemble yours.  Pay this person to regularly visit your ailing grandparents.
  10. Put a picture of you making love to the mailman’s wife in your mailbox.
  11. Pollute your own shitty blog with pointless lists.

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