01
Aug
12

The Strangest Videos on Youtube

Youtube has truly revolutionized the way we watch video content.  While network executives and film producers used to control what media saw the light of day, now anyone with a camera and rudimentary internet skills can publish whatever they like.

Giving ordinary people the ability to publish videos for the entire world to see has frightening potential, and Youtube littered with some of the strangest things out there.  Trust me, I have spent many hours as an empty shell of a human being, compulsively mining Youtube’s archives for no particular reason (mostly during breaks from my crippling masturbation habit).  So, I have decided to put together a list of the most peculiar things I found.

This list was not done with the intention of uncovering precious internet gems.  There is nothing viral or Tosh.O-worthy about these videos – no Rebecca Blacks, Kony 2012’s, or Charlie biting his brother’s finger here.  This is a list of abandoned thoughts, broken ideas and half-assed production value.  These videos had only one criteria: weird.

Washing Machine Porn

I like wearing clean clothes, who doesn’t? (answer: hipsters).  I am fortunate enough to have a washer and dryer in my apartment, but unfortunate enough to have to pay $2 for each load.  So as I browsed Youtube one day for an instructional video on how to hack those bastards for free, I came across something strange – there seemed to be an odd amount of videos showing the various cycles of people’s home washing machines.

This wouldn’t seem too strange if one or two people were posting these videos, but there appears to be and entire community of users who enjoy watching clothes spin around for half an hour.  The guy in the video above actually gets requests to film different washing machine models, and his videos have thousands of views!

Ever wonder what a 1986 Sears Kenmore looks like when it washes clothes?  Well, here it freakin is!  Or are you dying to see how they wash clothes in Germany?  Check this out!  Got an hour of free time? Why not watch this guy do his laundry; 26,000 other users did!…  My brain hurts now.

Hey look, it’s Ian!  Yay!

I don’t remember how I stumbled upon this piece of work, but from what I can gather this is a regular web series hosted by Ian, and we should all look at him.  Apparently this Ian guy had hopes of creating a video blog where he uses his unique and witty jabs to tear apart current events.

But none of that seemed to happen.  “Hey look, it’s Ian! Yay!” only lasted two episodes (the first can be found here), if you don’t count this menacing preview that reached an audience of 88 people.  The rest of Ian’s Youtube channel features videos of children playing and this nightmare inducing clip of what it must look like when a baby trips on acid.

Look, this Ian guys seems to have meant well.  He looks like a decent father, and judging by his decorations, he must be a religious man.  But his web series sucks.  It’s unprepared, strained and awkward.  Also, he’d got an unsettling, psychopathic look about him that is only aided by his need to shake a stuffed monkey to the camera.  Your video sucks, dude, and thus deserves relentless ridicule.  As long as videos like this are public, assholes like me are watching.

The Holy Mountain + Sleep = Intense Mindfuck

The next entry on the list is an exception because it is not some strange, throwaway crap, but the amalgamation of works by two acclaimed artists: filmmaker Alejandro Jodorowsky and metal band Sleep.  See, Sleep released the seminal stoner-rock song “Holy Mountain” in 1992, and some wise Youtuber  got the genius idea of laying that song over footage of Jodorowsky’s 1973 cult film, also conveniently titled “The Holy Mountain.”

A quick note here.  I described Jodorowsky’s movie as a “cult film.”  However, I believe the “cult film” label does not do it justice, especially in an age when films as popular as “The Big Lebowski” and “Napoleon Dynamite” enjoy cult status.  That term is an understatement for The Holy Mountain, a film so pointless, grotesque and unnerving that it took over 30 years for an official US video release.  Throw the crunching guitars of Sleep over top of that and you have one frighteningly intriguing video.

Sleep’s 9 minute song eerily overlaps with the footage of this film, approaching Pink Floyd/Wizard of Oz territory.  And for those unwilling to sit through the entire duration of this video, please do: the clip’s climax involves a smoldering jar of human excrement.  Too weird to pass up!

The Warrior Brothers

John-Paul Riley and Dave Ruechelle are amateur wrestlers, and lovers apparently, who started a Youtube channel chronicling their growth as submission fighters.  I’ll let Riley describe the philosophy of the “Warrior Brothers” in his own words:

“What is a warrior-brother? Three things which bind warrior-brothers one to the other: A passion to fight each other, a passion to love each other, and a passion to grow together. This is about bringing the sacred back to unarmed combat between warriors. It is honorable, sacred and F*****ING hot all at the same time.”

Now I’m not one to criticize these two men for doing what they love.  But Riley’s channel contains dozens of wrestling videos, and such a large library is bound to contain material for comedic fodder.  Watch Riley describe how he got his bruises, or watch Dave gingerly pick lint from his friend’s belly button.  I don’t know about you, but there are a lot of moments that seem too private to display on Youtube.  These videos taught me less about the fine points of grappling and more of how to feel uncomfortable in my own home.

Doggone Review

Ok, I have to admit that this last entry is not a creepy internet find but a regular web series created by some friends of mine.  Watch the video and like the Facebook page or I will come to your house drunk and verbally assault your family.

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