27
Sep
12

7 lists that will change your life forever

As I’ve stated before, the internet loves lists.  So here you go, dammit – thank me later.

6 Bad Dubstep Artist Names

  1. Gertrude Sangria and the Mixers
  2. The Lazy Susans
  3. Average Penis and the Hot Beef Injections
  4. The Robotic Jelly Applicators
  5. Electric Headache
  6. Ole Lumpy and the Digital Brain Freeze

5 Worst Situations to Sneeze In

  1. While whispering “I love you” into your spouse’s ear
  2. While holding a hot cup of coffee
  3. When delivering the keynote address at an anti-sneezing rally
  4. When passing a pack of Seattle’s notorious Whooping Cough gangsters in a dark ally
  5. While driving a truck load of albino, hemophiliac babies to the blood bank on Christmas

6 Songs from the 1960’s Celebrating Freedom

  1. “Chimes of Freedom” – Bob Dylan
  2. “I Feel Free” – Cream
  3. “I’m Free” – The Rolling Stones
  4. “Freedom” – Richie Havens
  5. “Freedom” – Jimi Hendrix
  6. “All Right Now” – Free (Technically the name of the band, but suck it)

5 Ways to Become Blind

  1. Stare into the sun like a dumbass
  2. Stare at satellite photos of the sun’s surface, then gauge your eyes out with a spoon
  3. Drink some tainted moonshine, pee in an African stream, then gauge your eyes out with a spoon
  4. Watch an hour of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo
  5. Fuck with Uma Thurman

4 Excuses that always work

  1. “Sorry, I have a church function to attend.”
  2. “I have explosive diarrhea.”
  3. “Tiny spiders laid eggs beneath my eyelids and they could hatch at any moment.”
  4. “I stared into the sun like a dumbass.”

5 Things You Won’t Believe Aren’t Butter (Visual List)

1.

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5.

2 Former NBC Today Show Hosts with eating disorders

  1. Al Roker
  2. Katie Couric
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